Two in one day :)

okay I know i already posted but I decided i wanted to open up to people and at the same time i dont even know if ANYONE reads my blog so i might just be typing to type haha

Im lost. Im confused. Im in love. Im a mother. Im a student. Im scared. Im a nanny. Im a best friend. Im a giver. Im a taker. Im a lover. I have dreams. I have morals. I have goals. I have everything and nothing at all.

Im lost and confused on what to do in life. Im so scared that what im doing now isnt going to be what i want to do tomorrow. Im in love with california and my friends out here. I dream big dreams of succeeding and doing things no one thought i could do before. I have goals of giving my daughter things i was never able to have growing up...I have everything right where i want things but then at the end of the day i feel like i am empty handed and i just want to break down and cry...I have become very emotional lately and i really couldnt tell you why. Everything as been getting to me emotionally. Its so hard being here in california away from everything that was normal to me for 18 years.

Yeah i have friends here but they are just a walk down the street like ohio, one of my best friends lives in San Diego and my other best friend is deploying soon! I know i posted a blog about her not to long ago but it still bothers me. Shes like one of my sisters, heck weve tried to devise a plan so i could deploy for her, everyone thinks we look alike so why dont we put it to the test! haha She came over the other day so i could take her out to dinner for her 22nd birthday and she brought a lot of her stuff shes getting rid of while shes gone and it broke my heart, i didnt let her see my cry when she was here but when she left thats exactly what i did. I miss her now because we dont hang out as much I dont know what im going to do when i cant text her for something or see what shes doing because i know what she will be doing...defending my freedom. Im so lucky to have such great friends...some I have had for 10 years some I have had for 3 and some I just met last month. I could ask for better friends and I thank you all for being there for me.

okay I think thats enough for now.
much love
sio