Im addicted to my electronic leash.

There. I said it.
And like everything else in my life I have an explanation that I just now realized...

at one point in my life, my phone was all I had (ill explain). And now at times when I am working it is still the only way I have to communicate and hold conversations with people that will talk back in a way that I can understand, sorry Charlie, Hunter and Emma...but sometimes you three arent the best talkers or listeners for that matter.

At some points in my life it really does bother me that I am so dependent on my phone. I almost always have my phone on silent just because I used to have some days where I get so many messages at a time I would want to kill myself from hearing the ringer going off 500 times in a row or hearing it buzzzzzzz constantly. Anyways...because I have my phone on silent I constantly look at it to see if I have a message which is annoying...its frustrating that at times my phone controls me life.

remember back two paragraphs I said I would explain? Well heres that explanation...when I first moved out to california besides charlie my phone was legit all I had. I didnt have friends or anyone around the house my age to talk to and I didnt have my own laptop that I would just take anywhere around the house so i took my phone and texted everyone back home that I missed constantly...and ever since then my life has never been the same. ughhhhh.

I need therapy.
but until then keep those text messages coming : )

peace. love. addictions.
Sio

I cant wait to live like an adult : )

Okay so anyone reading this is probably like uhh arent you adult? yeah, I am. But thats not what I mean...

This is what i mean--

I cant wait to have my own apartment, house would be much better but i think we all know im not anywhere close to being ready to buy my own house, and being able to paint and decorate anyway that I want.

I have a facebook...just like everyone else I know, even my parents, and I see that out of my 250 friends a lot of them have kids like me but even more so a good portion of them have houses, husbands or maybe still fiances...and some are just living with their significant other. Im not sure why but I long for all of that. And no I dont expect nor want to be engaged anytime soon, but I cant wait.

I cant wait to be able to pick out a place to live and paints and furniture to go in my home as well as the little things like dishes and picture frames (we all know what a picture frame whore I am so thats a must) and bathroom decor and whatever else might I need or want in my living spaces.

I really dont know where all this is coming from but I really cant wait!
The new job I found with a family in charlotte is only part time until december and im not sure what I will do after that. Maybe ill find my own place to live and get going on putting stuff in it : )

byeeee
sio

We made it back to cali...

welllll....Emma and I are back in california after a long journey in the air..no joke thats a long flight. Anyways....idk about emma, she hasnt told me yet but I had the best weekend ive had in a long time.

We landed in charlotte at 10:30 thursday night and went to my aunts house and started drinking, HOLLA! Matt got there around 1 and we continued drinking and hanging out and what not and ended up going to bed at 3:30 and waking up at 8...WTF!

Friday we got up and I want to say we had breakfast but im not sure I ate...hmmm no idea, I dont remember...we went swimming and hung out some more and then later that afternoon Matt, Emma and I went to huntersville to meet the family im going to be working for part time. let me tell you what...those kids are a complete 360 from the kids I have now. Dont get me wrong I love charlie and hunter and im going to miss them very much but its totally going to be weird not yelling at kids 5 times a day...

Friday night my uncle flew in from NYC to surprise me...it was a surprise until my aunts boyfriend damon asked her when her brother was flying in...oops.

Saturday matt and I went shopping and I planned on actually shopping but neither one of us were really in the mood. oh well I guess I have all summer to go shopping which I will do...dont worry. later that night we went to a little bar somewhere in charlotte and watched damons band play...they are pretty good let me tell you what. ANYWAYS....then we went home and drank a little bit and went to bed like a bunch of old people we are.

Sunday..up at 1030 which is sleeping in for me these days, I took a nap while matt went swimming and we spent the day relaxing...monday pretty much went the same way...OH except that I went to an ortho to have a consultation and they want 6000 bucks to do my teeth and they want to take my braces off and start all over again..umm yeah no thanks.

Well thanks for reading my boring day by day story of what I did in charlotte this weekend. It really was a nice relaxing weekend and I cant wait until I live there : )

<3 Sio

Be back Monday : )

Well...as everyone in my life knows, today is the day : )

The day I head to LAX and hop on a plane to dallas and then to charlotte!

I am soooo excited for a vacation and it couldnt come at a better time. Things have been pretty stressful for me lately so its a perfect time to get away. Sooo excited.

Well heres my plan..Im going to fly coast to coast..tomorrow I will do whatever it is that I do in charlotte until about 3 when I get ready to head up to huntersville to meet my new "family" soo excited. Then saturday and sunday ill probably just hang out at the house with Matt, my aunt and of course Emma. Sounds like a relaxing weekend to me....jealous?

Peace. love. vacation.
sio

Lessons learned

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,

Oh, some pages turned,Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,Lessons learned.Lessons learned.

This pretty much sums up my life : )

Less than 2 months..

Its so weird to think in that less than 2 months I wont live here anymore..Honeycomb lane will never be my address again unless of course theres another honeycomb lane out there and I happen to move on to it. But this address will never be mine again. Its reall weird to think about. Its emotionally hard for me but I know that it is time for me to go. Ive been here three years and im ready for what the next chapter of my life has to offer. Im going to see new places, do new things, make new friends and like everything else, with time I will be fine.

This move is hard..maybe harder than moving out here in the first place, maybe not but its really hard. Thats all I can say about it...

My picture frames are gone..
Books shipped out..
Shoes in their new home..
Purses too..
Swim suits waiting for me to wear this summer..
and winter clothes waiting for well...the the winter duh.

Nothing is really "mine" anymore in my bedroom which I share with maddie. Times like these make me happy I have someone to share my room with because its not completely bare even though my things are gone...all that remains are clothes I will wear in the coming weeks, a few pairs of shoes...random stuff that probably shouldnt be here anymore and most importantly...my family and life I have known for 3 years.

Im really okay with the thought of moving..its time to pack up and move on, im just gonna miss everything : (

Enough about me..ive got kids to discipline!
Sio

maybe im not meant to blog?

Mayyyyyyyyybe just maybe im not meant to blog...stupid statement huh? Because no one is MEANT to blog, it just happens. Like a lot of other things, it just comes to me. Maybe I blog because I know that not that many people read this so its like talking to someone without really talking. let me tell you what...blogging helps, and it helps a lot. I am able to write about everything and anything because not many people know about it and I dont always include names if im mad at someone so it doesnt really hurt anyones feelings when I say stuff.

Anyways..its been awhile since I have blogged and I think thats because 1. I didnt feel like it 2. everytime I started a blogged I realized how supid it was and 3. a lot has been going on that i would rather just keep to myself unless of course I filled you in over text messages : )

Heres whats going on in my life...

1. I freaking hate school. Ive always hated school but this college business has really gotten to me lately and its really not that hard but because I was dumb and took two years off of school its taking longer than planned to get back into the swing of school. I have exactly 2 months until I am done with school and im not sure im going to go back..haha okay of course im going to go back but I do have a lot of work to do to get through this semester.

2. I quit my job and since then things have gotten way worse. My days drag on, I never want to be here, I never talk to anyone other than Danyele and I think thats because I know my time is coming so I just want to get it over with and leave.

3. My vacation is a week away and I wish it was sooner, like now would be good. Anyways...im going to North Carolina next thursday and im not coming back, okay obviously im coming back because i have school and I have a job here so i need to come back annnnd im not really ready to leave yet. I mean yeah if I didnt have school and had a job in nc i would be out of here no doubt about it buuuuuuuut I still have things going on here and friends im going to miss so ill stay here and hang out for a few more months : )

umm thats about it for now...i guess i kinda of got side tracked so i forget what all I wanted to write but this should be enough for now..anyways...i need a nap : )

The Last Song By Nicholas Sparks

Okay, so maybe im waayyyy behind the times because I just finished the book last night and most people have seen the movie, if they have any interest in seeing it...well I have interest in seeing it. Buuuuut since Im so weird I like to read the book before I watch the movie as I have done with other nicholas sparks books that have been made into movies.

Anyways my point.

That book is sad, seriously sad, and im not going to lie...I cried...a lot. Maybe I cried because all I am is and emotional girl at times and thats what we do. We cry when things are sad. At the end of this book the girl and her brother find out that their dad is dying of cancer and he doesnt have much longer to live...okay if thats not sad in itself I dont know what is. I didnt cry until this part of the book because I remember watching one of my fellow classmates go through this most of our time in high school. Her mom had breast cancer and she was in remission but the cancer came back and eventually won. It broke my heart to think about that and what it must have been like to personally go through that. I know that I am strong, very strong but I promise you I will never be strong enough to lose one of my parents to cancer and thats that.

Even though this book is obviously not based on a true story, it happens. It happens everyday to children everywhere. Every single day that passes some child or children lose their parents to cancer as well as other illnesses or tragedies. All I really have to say is "im sorry". Im sorry you had to go through that and im sorry that you will never get the time back you have missed with your mother or father. I give you major credit for getting through it though thats for sure...

Okay sooo I think im going to end this post and go write a positive one : )

well well well...

im down to 1 week and 4 days left of waiting until I get to hop on a plane and fly across the country to north carolina...not gonna like im pretty excited : )

Im excited mainly to FINALLY get to hang out with mattchu. Ive been patiently waiting for awhile now and im sick of waiting, i think we all know im not a very patient person, I dont like waiting on much but this has been totally worth it.

I am also excited to get the heck out of here....this house has me stressed out beyond belief. It really hurts my feelings that everyone expects me to do things for them and they dont appreciate it...ever. They might say they do but newwwwws flash. They dont. Okay maybe its really junior highish that im complaining about something so stupid like this but ive been around for 3 years and just in the past couple months ive hated it more than anything ive ever been through in my life.

ughhhh. i need a nap.
sio

Ive chosen to keep my head up..

I decided from now on instead of getting upset or down or sad or whatever you want to call it, im going to keep my head up. Keeping my head up because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things are going to get better for me, I can tell. I cant be a debbie downer anymore...I know there are people out there that would kill to see me fail miserably but I cant let that happen. I have little eyes watching my every move, listening to my every word and looking up to me as a role model and what kind of role model would I be if i was sad and depressed all the time? not a very good one..

Eh em. I would like to apologize for my posts being so bi-polar lately...sometimes Im happy..sometimes im sad and sometimes im just blah. Bare with me...we all have our moments and if you dont then im not sure you are normal.

I have two weeks and half a day until I go to north carolina. I am pretty excited about that. Ill get to see my Aunt who I havent seen since christmas which actually isnt that bad because it was a year before that I saw her last...anyways and ill get to spend the whooole weekend with mattchu. Mattchu i will say is such a trooper for putting up with my good moods, my bad moods and my inbetween moods and for that....I <3 him.

I have 10 weeks until I will be living in North Carolina...charlotte to be exact for those creepers out there, and no im not telling you my new address...but anyways...10 weeks seems like a long time but its really not...its going to go by fast I know..look at all that has happened in the last 10 weeks....Abby turned 21, Jenn thought she was deploying but didnt, Diaz did deploy for a year, Matt came home from a year long deployment, Emma turned 2 annnnnd everything else that has happened....so 10 weeks isnt a big deal to me...bring it on...bring on the work days, the work outs, the homework, the finals, my moms visiting and the visits with matt, bring it on :) as each one comes and goes it will be closer to the time I move..

..which brings me to my next note....i am so scared. Im scared to leave whats been normal to me for 3 years...yes 3 years. Ive been in the conner family for 3 years and I love them all very much. The Lamberts (kellys family) adopted me in as one of their own and its like im leaving home all over again. Wont be as hard because im not leaving my REAL family but its gonna be an emotional moment to leave this family as well as my amazing friends. Ive met a lot of characters out here and I wouldnt trade them for anyone else....ahh snap. im gonna miss this!

Peace. Love. Better days,
Sio

Tomorrow is a new day...

Hmm....ever look back and think about youre life and wonder "wtf was I thinking"? Yeah well I know you have and if you say you havent youre lying. In my 20 years of life Ive had a lot of those moments and some of them actually crack me up and some of them I am ashamed and embarassed of but those dont really matter. Sometime I wish I would have done things differently but I think we all have those moments..sometimes I am able to laugh about things and say...oh my gosh I should do that again!! So anyways...i guess what im getting at is that from now one im going to try to keep a promise to myself...Im going to promise myself that I will consider thinking things through before I go through with them....and maybe then I wont have horrible hangovers if I just think "should I really make samantha and I a drink with half a bottle of vodka each?" yeah...should have thought that one through more...

Anyways...Samantha turned 20 this weekend which as you can guess from my previous comment turned into a shit show. Seriously...did not plan on drinking that much...I would love to tell you about everything but I really dont remember much at all : )

Saturday was a day full of recovery...worst hangover ever...dying sounded like a good plan but obviously too many people need me to do stuff for them that more lives would fall apart if I died so i decided not to run out onto bear valley road in front of a semi going 55 mph lol

Today was easter...if any of you didnt know that well youre dumb. Emma and I spent the day with Sam's family...such a good day, had a lot of fun! Emma loooooved hunting easter eggs with hayden and it was fun because it was a first for her. We had lunch and emma napped, then we had birthday cake for sam and then just sat around and hung out...so much fun :)

Tomorrow is monday....they day that everyone dreads and in an earlier post I said i really didnt care because I didnt have a normal monday to friday job...yeah well ive had the last 3 days off and im on my own with the babies tomorrow so this will be one of the mondays I hate!!

Since its almost midnight im just going to round up and say that I only have 2 weeks and 4 days until I am catching an east bound plane ALLLLLLLL THE WAY TO NC! but who cares im super excited to see matt as well as my aunt : ) okay seriously i do that whole smile nonsense a lot...is it annoying? cause its annoying to me but i do it all the time but then again I have a high tolerance for annoying stuff..ANYWAYSSSSSSSSS im excited...the next two weeks will go by fast.

Well im not really sure what else I have to say...things are going good for me overall and I cant wait to see whats going to happen next!! I hope everyone had a good safe weekend and hopefully you didnt get as embarassingly drunk as i did!

Much love

Sio

its been awhile

since ive last blogged...things really havent changed..my life is pretty much blah and I just want to go home. I miss home. I miss my mom. I miss my family.

I feel like its time for an emo post....buuuuut i dont feel like being emo so ill leave you with this..

ill be okay..promise.

sio